If you plan to off yourself, do it in style. Do it the write way. What should your suicide note or goodbye letter contain? Should it be handwritten? Yes, you will be leaving something of yourself behind (this note) and it might as well be the most of you — a handwritten note. Will it be a suicide note or a goodbye letter? They’re basically the same, although a “goodbye letter” would be longer and would properly be enclosed in an envelope.

some rules:

1) do not write your suicide note or goodbye letter with your blood because you may bled to death before you have a chance to finish.

2) Leave your ball-point pen, pencil, fine-point marker with your last words. It adds to the intrinsic value of your writing as a memento.

3) Be sure to sign your name to your suicide note or goodbye letter.

4) Never spell check your letter by computer or visually. Those little errors make your last missive unique and memorable. The same goes for grammatical errors.

5) I suggest, if possible, you do not write to someone as if they are causing you distress and were the to-do cause of this disastrous deed to yourself. Remember that you are killing yourself for yourself as the best policy.




Some people might like to go to their grave laughing, therefore: here are my Seven Short Suicide Notes (NOTES ARE MADE UP):

7) I’m killing myself because I can’t stand the hangnail in my toe.

6) I’m killing myself because my dog really DID eat my homework.

5) I’m killing myself so I can get the very last reserved space in the family plot. I beat you guys out! Ha! Ha!

4) I’m killing myself to rob my girl friend of the pleasure of killing me as she swore she’d do.

3) I’m killing myself so that my best friend doesn’t have to pay me back the $37,000 he owes me. Love ya, George.

2) I’m killing myself because I didn’t buy the winning $70 million lottery ticket whose numbers I wrote down, and bought a pack of gum instead.

1) I found the secret to happiness and now that I know, I have to kill myself.

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