You may say that courtship in dating has its share of little deceptions used as a way to impress someone like, “I love sports”, or “I love opera”. But what about online? Do people online go too far in their deceptions about themselves? Perhaps in no other environment has there been such a cloak of anonymity that actually encourages deception. Some deceptions may only have to do with a person’s height or weight, but it can also go so far as to scam people out of money for the sake of a little romance. You may learn to be a little more cautious after reading what some people do in regards to today’s deception at light speed.

We all know that cyberspace has its many advantages in exposing us to more and more opportunities to meet people, but it also has the distinct disadvantage of not really knowing who you are talking to. In an article in March, 07, Scientific American Mind, a survey conducted by Boston University and MIT suggests that about 20 percent of online daters admit to deception. But, if you ask them how many other people they feel are lying, they say 90 percent which is probably closer to reality because no one wants to admit they are lying.

In order to get around this sticky little problem, Jeffrey Hancock of Cornell University and Nicole Ellison of Michigan State University bring people into their labs and check their height and weight. Then they go online and see what they put on their profiles. The preliminary data suggest that, on average, online profiles shave off about five pounds and add perhaps an inch in height. However, it was interesting to note that the shorter and heavier the people, the bigger the lies.

In another study at the University of Chicago and MIT, heights and weights of online daters were compared to national census data. They found that online height is exaggerated by only an inch or so for both men and women but women appear to understate their weight more and more as they get older: by five pounds when they are in their 20s, 17 pounds in their 30s, and 19 pounds in their 40s. For women, the major areas of deception are weight, physical appearance and age. For men, it’s a little different. In addition to height and age, they tend to lie about educational level, income, and marital status with at least 13 percent of online male suitors thought to be married.

For both men and women, physical appearance appears in most deceptions, and for both sexes, anyone without a photo is doomed. It is thought to be a key indicator of a negative appearance. According to one recent survey, men’s profiles without a photo drew one fourth the response of those with photos and women’s profiles without a photo drew one sixth the response.

This obsession with appearance is so universal that in one online dating community, they reported that only 1 percent of online daters listed themselves as “less than average”. I don’t know about you, but when I go out in public, there is definitely more than 1 percent of the people I see who I would describe as less than average.




With the popularity of online dating services such as eHarmony.com and Match.com, the opportunity for finding “the one” is complicated by all these deceptions and lies. Then there’s other sites such as Facebook and MySpace that are totally free and open mediums for finding “the one”. With over 100 million members in MySpace alone, the odds of sorting through all the deceptions are probably pretty low.

Then we have the next evolution in dating called “virtual dating” which is being developed. Using special software developed by MIT Media Labs, people have a chance to interact with each other first by computer on a virtual date. Imagine a romantic date in a virtual cafe in Paris, France, where you and your date chat about their beautiful virtual experience together. There are signs that the developers are even looking into adding some sort of shared physiological experience such as your date’s heartbeat.

This is all fine and dandy but what about all those people looking for love who are deceived on a grand scale in romance scams in which unsuspecting people are lured into unethical and downright illegal activities or get scammed out of their money? There are numerous reports of people meeting prospective marriage partners online in other countries who send a picture of a handsome man or woman searching for a life mate who happens to be in a situation where they need money to help an orphanage they are working for. Yeah, this actually happens.

There is also the scam where someone looking for love in another country finds their perfect mate online, but at the same time after getting to know the person, convinces him or her that they could help them out by forwarding packages to them for a legitimate company. In this case, the packages are stolen goods or items bought via stolen credit cards for which the unsuspecting lovelorn victim is participating in a crime.

At any rate, people need to be more cautious about who they get to know online and what they are up to. The best way to protect yourself is to go to online services that post known scam artists and all their aliases. There are many available that you can tap into to check up on your latest online romantic hookup. There is one woman on the Oprah show who typed in “romance scam” on Google and found the man that she had been scammed out of thousands of dollars of her money and was stood up at the airport after waiting for her lover to meet her there and get married.

If only she had thought to do this before he scammed her because he had tons of different aliases and pictures that he used to scam women all over the country. By the way, he was the one who was working for an orphanage in Africa. So, go to romancescam.com or any of the other numerous online scam detecting posts. Don’t fall for all the deceptions that are out there. Not only may your heart be vulnerable, but you can go to jail for being an accomplice to a crime in some of these internet schemes. And, good luck…maybe you will find “the one” after all. Just be careful, and above all be smart.