Since I am always writing Congressmen or other governmental officials, I am on the outlook for ways in which to be more efficient and effective in my writing to these very important people. So, when I came across a template that Jon Stewart recommends in writing your Congressman, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pass this valuable information on to our readers. I have to admit it’s concise and can be used for all occasions. Check it out…

Congressman’s Name
Address
Washington, DC (or wherever)

Dear Honorable (for Senators) or Distinguished (for Representatives) or Abby (for advice seekers):

As a concerned citizen of your district/state/household, I kindly request/urge/demand/insist/order you at gunpoint to co-sponsor/condemn/remain ambiguously silent on the legislation that Representative Elder Centrist Democrat and Senator Moderate Republican You’ve Never Heard Of have introduced to increase/decrease spending for ______________________(insert pet cause/thing that will negatively affect you financially here.)

I am not ordinarily moved to write, but I have a child affected by/vaguely remember a TV report about/have nothing better to do than write a letter concerning this issue. I supported you through all five elections/three scandals/two convictions and would be extremely disappointed to have to vote against/stalk/cuckold you.

Thank you/your unpaid intern for hearing me on this important issue.

Respectfully,Disrespectfully/Suck it,

Your Name/Pseudonym/”X” mark

Footnote: If this is your third or fourth attempt to reach out to your congressmen, you might want to pepper the above template with such statements as:

I am increasingly disappointed you haven’t taken the time to answer/don’t give a shit about/spend untold hours mockingly reading aloud to your slack-jawed lackeys my previous letters.

Please be advised that I live in your district and I vote/plan on registering to vote this time/will wake up on Election Day with every intention to vote but, will find my day inexorably pulling me in every direction but the one toward which I intended to go.

Also, it’s just a good idea to avoid using words like “twat”, “twit” or “laggard”.

I hope this information has been helpful and will encourage you to be more active in expressing your opinion/desire/disgust concerning our present political landscape/debacle/disaster. Now that you have some useful tools to use — get busy!