Dick Cheney has a new MasterCard out, and he is doing a national advertising campaign for it. Here is a copy of the transcript for the TV ad that is supposed to air in March ‘07. I can’t wait to get my hands on it. I heard there is no limit and the cash back bonuses are amazing. There are some drawbacks though, and they may not fit your lifestyle. One is it’s only accepted by Republican corporate conglomerates, pharmaceutical companies, Halliburton and… oh, no other countries will accept it since they hate us and all. Well, I am sure you want to read the script for the TV ad, so I will let you loose and don’t forget to go shopping!

Transcript for the new Dick Cheney MasterCard:

• Poor Academic Performance at Yale University — $40,000.
• 5 draft deferments from Vietnam — $250,000.
• 2 DWI arrests — $15,000
• Voting against making Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday a national holiday TWICE — $200,000
• Waging a war in Iraq for no apparent reason — $360,000,000,000
• Cash back bonus of waging the war — $8,820,000 a year, courtesy of Halliburton
• Shooting your friend in the face with a shotgun without any consequences at all — Priceless!

Some things in life are priceless. For everything else there’s Master Card.

Get the new Dick Cheney MasterCard, and if you order now, you get a free “I hate gays, blacks, Muslims, poor people, the United Nations, human rights, but I LOVE large corporate conglomerate lobbyists!” bumper sticker… FREE!

[Spoken Really Fast] Once your order is taken, you give up all freedoms, civil liberties, speaking for yourself, fuel efficient automobiles and the Constitution will be waived for Cheney’s enjoyment.

Well, what do you think? Like I said, can’t beat the cash back incentives. If you want more information just go to www.MakeDickCheneyRich.com and order now!