Are Extramarital Affairs Just Evolutionary Chemistry?
Ever wondered why you feel different when you fall in love and how addicting that feeling is? My mind was wandering this morning thinking about how ‘chemical’ we really are and how if certain chemicals are either inadequate or excessive, they can result in disease or death. Or, on the other spectrum, if they happen to be the chemicals of love, we experience pleasure and euphoria. So, if our feelings for another person are merely chemical reactions, then how can we expect to control them?
When it comes to the powerful, pleasurable, obsessive and attracting chemicals involved in ‘love’, we are somewhat powerless to control them. Think about the first time you fell in love. I am sure, just as I did, that you experienced the initial giddiness that comes from a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. In an article entitled The Chemistry of Love, it is explained that this is thought to be due mainly to chemicals called dopamine, and norepinephrine. Dopamine is the “pleasure chemical” that gives you a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline which produces a racing heart and feeling of excitement. When you put these two chemicals together you get elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. These are the chemicals that give rise to the description of ‘falling’ as in ‘out of control’. As a result, you have ‘fallen in love’. All chemical but all very real.
The research behind this was performed at Rutgers University using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). They have actually observed how people’s brains work as they look at a picture of someone who is the object of their affection. According to the scans of those who have ‘fallen in love’, their scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine. And these high levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine. This explains the focused attention and almost obsessive preoccupation with the other person due to the precise chemical effects of this condition.
There are other researchers who have found at the University College London, that people in love also have lower levels of serotonin. They also found that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those that are found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, which could lead to the “I can’t live without you” behavior.
Then to cap off this chemical explosion going on in the body, is the release 
of oxytocin. According to researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, the hormone oxytocin is associated with forming powerful bonds with a person during certain levels of stress. When you feel the butterflies in the stomach, and the constant nervousness while you are still courting with the potential mate, this is all moderate levels of stress. In this article we explain oxytocin in depth regarding the abduction of Shawn Hornbeck, and how oxytocin could have been a factor in why the child did not try to escape.
In other research, oxytocin has also been reported to be associated with the mother/infant bonding after childbirth. Some claim the rationale behind the intense level of pain during childbirth is so the highest amount of oxytocin paired with vassopressin is released for the strongest bonding.
So, you can see with this powerful arsenal of chemicals that explode upon the initiation of a love relationship, it could become a condition that people seek over and over just to experience the rush. With this chemical high, it is no wonder that people have such a difficult time being faithful. And what makes the matter worse is that those who become addicted to the ‘high’, build up a tolerance for these chemicals. Then it takes more and more to get the high they are looking for. They go through relationship after relationship to get their fix. This isn’t even adding in the complexity of sex, and its downpour of neurotransmitters and neural hormones in its aftermath. So, when you hear of people who are addicted to love…well, they really are.
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I agree that you can become addicted to the high of falling in love. That dopamine rush is designed to do just that: teach us to seek out experiences that benefit the organism and the species.
However, I believe that the release of oxytocin during sex and orgasm is designed to do the opposite. In the human brain, the reward center has receptors for both oxytocin and dopamine. Scientists think that this combo, present in the 3 to 5 percent of monogamous mammal species, is what creates (social)monogamy, aka pair bonding or marriage.
Normally, the association between dopamine and oxytocin tends to reinforce the reward of sex with the partner.
But in humans, the placement,number and responsiveness of oxytocin receptors is determined by nurturing experiences in the first one to three years of life. So, many humans likely don’t develop this oxytocin response to sex. In my opinion, these are the people who become addicted to the rush — but not to their partners long-term.
Wow, that was insightful. I believe while we are growing up during our single digit ages, we “design” our body for the rest of our life. If your environment is saturated in negativity and a lack of human connection, then your “chemo-physiology” will develop a higher proportion of of the chemicals responsible for dealing with this environment.
Therefor, in your later years, you will seek out this lack of real connection and non-monogamous behavior trying to replicate the feeling/rewards of your childhood. Even though this may be unconscious behavior, it is still very powerful. Unless the person is really conscious of this tendency, they will constantly be a victim to there chemically motivated behavior.
Thank you for your very intellectual response, I hope to hear from you in the future.
Your belief is being proven true by neuroscience, and that’s a great way to describe the process. One thing important to note is that most of this design process happens very early, in the first three years of life — before our brains are capable of forming conscious memories.
I am glad something is finally being said about the importance on this issue. I know every time I start to talk to someone about their emotional problems or addictions, I always start with, “What happened to you during your single digit years?”
Almost every time I drag out something from decades ago that is very informative, it always clues me into what is “controlling them” in the present. Works every time.